"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
