I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize