i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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