Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
