I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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