I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
