You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sorry about my life...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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