Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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