hotel room ftw
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
