How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
