You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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