We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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