i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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