He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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