what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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