oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
