Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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