what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize