Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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