the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We left an ass print on the piano.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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