Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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