maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
