dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
