I just cut my nipple shaving
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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