omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
