oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
