Someone shit on the floor
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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