I'd wear matching sweaters with you
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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