The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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