I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize