Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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