i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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