btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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