Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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