I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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