He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
