yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
