You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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