Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
