At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
