cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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