Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
