My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I skipped work to stalk him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
