addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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