yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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