Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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