This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
