I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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