I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
