Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
