I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
zippers are such a cool invention
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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