Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
