jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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