So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
