And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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