Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize