he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
