Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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