its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize