You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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