I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
