party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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