True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
