ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
