you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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