everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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