I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
