isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
