What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
