Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
